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Being Fat and Having Sex

More cushion for the pushin’. No but seriously, I think it’s a beautiful thing when a bigger woman is able to own and accept herself as a sexual being.

– Clare

We asked 17 of our community members to talk about their size and sex. We were amazed by the authenticity and vulnerability that we received from all of you and thank you in advance for sharing your intimate stories with us.

We’re featuring Clare (The real author has decided to stay anonymous) today and we have to say, her attitude and confidence brings us joy. Let’s hear what Clare had to say about her cushion for the pushing. 

What’s your size? 22/24

Is sex important to you? YES! On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d rate its importance to me at 9.5. Sex (good sex) is my stress reliever and my opportunity to connect with my partner and express my love when words aren’t enough. Saying I love you is one thing, but being able to look in his eyes in the midst of making love and seeing the tenderness and devotion and trust in them, that’s the stuff you can’t put into words.

How has your sex life evolved over time? I lost my virginity at 21, I was very self conscious and not vocal about what I liked or didn’t like and the guy I lost it too was a mediocre partner, great penis but poor execution. I met my first husband at age 22 (FYI he is 18 years older than me) and let’s just say he wiped away EVERY single inhibition and insecurity I had about my body. Now at 30, I have the confidence to tell my man what he’s doing wrong in a heartbeat. I may be a bit brash now, but I feel like closed mouths don’t get fed and as my best friend likes to add, closed legs don’t get head. 

What’s great about your size and sex? More cushion for the pushing. No but seriously, I think it’s a beautiful thing when a bigger woman is able to own and accept herself as a sexual being.

What’s hard about your size & sex? I don’t really have a hard part that directly relates to my size. I get tired during sex but so do smaller women, I sweat but so do smaller women. I tend to not compare myself in those terms like, “If I were smaller I could do X,Y,Z” because that’s not true. I’m super flexible and I have a friend that’s really thin who is not. All women are different and have different sexual talents…PERIOD. Doesn’t matter if you’re big or small, that generalization needs to die a slow painful death.

A time when you felt shame? I was dating a man that was separated from his wife and supposedly going through a divorce. I found out that they were nowhere near getting divorced, but were just split for a while. Even after I found that out, I slipped back and had sex with him one last time. Sex with him was typically amazing but that time I felt low and used like a rag doll. I never called him again after that and I cut ties with a lot of guys I was casually dating. 

A time when you felt great? The connection that you make with the person you’re with. Good sex can feel like a spiritual moment, when the connection is right, every touch and every stroke is heightened to an infinite level.

Sex & size advice:

Just do it! Let go of your inhibitions, relax and just be in the moment. The person you’re with should be honored that you chose them to have an encounter with.

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5 replies on “Being Fat and Having Sex”

I am also a 22/24. Last year I lost my husband of 42 years. Recently I started seeing an old friend of ours who I have since started sleeping with. It has been quite the challenge for me. Your story has made me understand that it’s ok to believe in myself again. Thank you!!

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Very excited about this article , but is there any way that “Cushion for the Pushing” isn’t the headline ? Catchy and familiar yes – but it objectifies fat people in a way that can be quite harmful. It dehumanizes the experience of the fat person having sex and enjoying pleasure ….by placing the focus of pleasure on the person having sex with the fat body (ah hem, the cushion). Having a fat body doesn’t necessarily make it more pleasurable for the owner of the fat body. The “cushion” is irrelevant to us. The “cushion” IS us. In some ways it continues to fetishize fat people as “other” rather than including fat people in a regular discussion of sex and pleasure. To me, it continues to perpetuate negative stereotypes 😦 We wouldn’t title a “Being Skinny and Having Sex” article “More Bones to Bone”! That would be rude. ….
I’m not attacking the article, it’s a very important topic! Just that phrase !!!!!

Boz

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